Down the Rabbit Hole (Stuck On You)

Chapter 39: Due Date I was eight months pregnant. Hayden had been in a coma for six months. I refused to pull the plug on him. My dad made sure that they wouldn't pull the plug on him. When I reached my due date, I was still pregnant. My dad cback for the birth, but it didn't happen.

"Are you sure that I'm nine months?" I asked my OBGYN. She nodded.

"I'm positive. You're baby is just late. We can induce labor," she suggested. I shook my head.

"No. If she's not ready, I don't want to force her," I said.

"Are you sure?" Luca asked me. He still went to my doctor's appointments withbecause I didn't want to go by myself. I nodded.

"Let her comes when she wants," I said. "I'm only a few days late anyway. I'm going to go see Hayden," I said. I saw Luca's face twitch slightly as he tried to keep the look of disappointment and guilt off of his face. I ignored it as the doctor wiped the gel off of my stomach. I got a picture of my baby before I went to the hospital to see Hayden. I went in alone. I just talked to him.

"Hayden, our baby is going to cany day now; our little girl. I want you to be there within the delivery room... please wake up," I said softly. His heart monitor started beeping erratically. Doctors and nurses rushed in with machines and medicines. They pushedaside and started working on him.

"What's happening?" I asked, scared.

"His heart is failing, we need to move now. Get her out of here," a doctor barked orders. He continued barking orders to nurses and other doctors as I was led out of the room. I looked in through the window as tears streaked my face. Heart failure? I thought he was stable. None of this was making any sense. Suddenly everything was moving slowly. As I peered into the window, I found myself screaming and banging my fists against the glass. This couldn't be happening. I prayed that this wasn't happening. I hoped that any minute now I would wake up to realize that this was all just a terrible nightmare. But it didn't happen... I never woke up. The doctors did all they could, but it wasn't good enough.

5:07 PM...that was the tof death recorded for Hayden Grayson McCormick. That was the tthat a piece of my heart died. I watched as they stopped working on him. They rolled the machines out and closed the curtains, blocking my view of them bagging him. I screamed and fussed and kicked. I went into full blown hysteria. I felt arms go around me, trying to calmdown. I was still sobbing uncontrollably but I'd stopped screaming. I crumbled. My heart felt like it was about to burst out of my chest. And the fact that I moved like that with a beyond pregnant belly was a mystery. My knees wobbled and I slid to the floor. Luca went with me.

"Jordyn," I heard Luca sigh. This couldn't be happening. I needed to wake up. I clung to Luca's arm as I cried. He pushed my hair away from my face and shushed me.

"He can't be gone... he just can't," I sobbed. I refused to open my eyes. I kept them shut, still hoping I was dreaming. Luca heldtightly and pushed my hair back.

"Jo, I know you don't want to hear it right now, but you'll be okay. You and your little girl will be okay," Luca said softly. I didn't want to hear it. I just sobbed and cried right there in the hallway until I passed out.

I woke up in my bed at Luca's house. I sat up and pushed my hair out of my face. Hayden... Hayden was the first thing on my mind. I eased my body back down to the bed. I wish I could've curled up in the fetal position, but I was already carrying someone who was doing that. I put a hand on my stomach when I felt a kick. Since my baby was full term, her kicks really paced a punch. I let out a breath and closed my eyes. It hurt. She kicked again and again. I let out a little yelp and started pacing to calm her down. There was a light knock on my door before Jason cin.

"Are you okay, Jo?" he asked. I sighed and shook my head.

"No, My baby won't stop kicking, and it's really starting to hurt," I said, ignoring the real reason why I wasn't okay. He paused a moment before he put his hands on my shoulders.

"I know you don't want to hear this now, or really ever, but... we need to start making arrangements for the funeral," he said softly. I swallowed the lump that started forming in my throat as my eyes watered.

"You're right... I don't want to hear it," I whispered.

"He's gone... and there is nothing that we can do about it. There was nothing we could do about it," Jason continued. My tears flowed over as I looked away from him.

"Jason, stop," I said hoarsely. "I don't want to think about it. I just want to get this baby out ofand go to sleep and never wake up," I said. He started shaking his head.

"Don't think like that. You're alive... I think we'd all want you to stay that way. You' survived... and you'll survive again. You are alive," he said. I sighed and went back to my bed. I paced again and ran my fingers through my hair before I closed my eyes, my tears falling as I did so. "Then why don't I feel that way? Why do I feel so empty? Why do I feel dead?" I countered.

"You just lost someone you love. That's bound to happen, but believe it or not, this isn't the end of the world. You will have a baby soon, and you'll have someone new to love; that baby. And eventually, you'll move on. You just have to hang in there for now," he said. "I don't want to move on," I said.

"You'll be miserable until you do," he argued.

"He d-died yesterday, Jason," I said as more tears fell from my eyes.

"And the funeral will probably give you closure," Jason said. "Look, I know this is hard, but you can't slip into the sdepression you did e safter the accident happened. You really can't afford to think about this too long. You need to grieve and move on," he instructed. I shook my head and rested my hands on my stomach.

"I can't," I breathed. He wrapped his arms aroundand sighed. It was hard for him to hugwithbeing so pregnant but he managed.

"It's April, Jordyn. The accident happened in September. That was seven months ago. A lot of us just accepted the fact that he wouldn't ve wake up. I think this was harder for you because you still had hope that he would wake up. The rest of us let go of that hope a long tago," he said softly. "It's tto let go." I clung to him as more tears squeezed out of my eyes. "It hurts," I cried. He rubbed my back gently.

"I know, Jo... I know," he said quietly.0000 RULE #1 choose married women They have reason to keep things secret, as do you.

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